Dynasty Warriors: How D'ya Like Them Apples!
by ecnal nogardnap
Summary: After SSX dates multiple others AGAIN, Liu Bei has given up. However, a new OC is gonna help him get payback...OCLiuSSX
1. Establishing Personalities

_**Dynasty Warriors: How D'ya Like Them Apples!**_

**Summary:** Liu Bei's relationship with SSX has reached an all-time low. This time, she's not even bothering to HIDE her flings with the men from other kingdoms she brings over to Shu. However, for once in his life and with a little help from his friends, the emperor of Shu is gonna get something called payback…OCxLiuxSSX

**Disclaimer:** I don't own DW, Koei does. The OCs that appear here are property of me. Hurrah! If I have any need of notes, I'll put 'em where I think I should.

(A.N.: Like this first one: Timelines are not an issue, age is not an issue.)

**Cast and bios:**

**Liu Bei: **Shu's emperor and SSX's supposed husband in this AU fic of a surprisingly peaceful time of coexistence amongst the three kingdoms. He has always known that his wife doesn't love him as much as she used to, though his existence is acknowledged in a pleasant enough manner. Presently, he has given up hope of trying to win her back (again) as she is seemingly predestined to fall head-over-heels in love with some dashing young man she knows.

**SSX:** As the author is inclined to think, 'freedom without discipline leads to chaos'. This princess is situated somewhere in the middle. She obeys the laws of state, but she makes use of her freedom to romance any 'bishounen' she so chooses. Zhao Yun, Gan Ning, Lu Xun and even Zhou Yu are just a few of her conquests.

**The Officers of Shu:** From the intelligent strategists (Pang Tong is living) to the great warriors (Liu's brothers are still alive), they all share the same loyalty and devotion to virtue. When they're not drilling troops or planning strategies, these men of valour and wisdom spend their free time in a nice little tavern integral to the plot. They often help their emperor and other friends through rough patches in that common meeting place. And FYI, Wei Yan here is loyal like DW5. The only ones not commonly seen are Zhao Yun and Ma Chao, on-off colleagues seeing as they are two of SSX's heart's many desires and Guan Ping and Xing Cai, 'cos they're too young to drink liquor. The latter two are forced to make do with the kiddy bar.

**The Lovers:** While decent enough on their own, these strapping young men/young adults have one fault. They're easily tempted and blinded by the Wu princess's idea of love. Still, outside of love, they ARE decent people to be around. Heck, Liu Bei even knows some of them on a personal level. However, they just can't escape Shang Xiang's grip…

**Li Wen:** A personification of the author, Li Wen actually runs the tavern the whole of Shu's officers hang out at. Like the others, he helps out with counselling and whatnot, though if a customer buys a drink, the young man is inclined to give the customer what he/she wants. As THE head minister of all OC related happenings (be they immigrants, new recruits or problems), the young man has several reliable connections. Doesn't wear his razor sharp hats when he's working here.

**Xia Hwang Wei:** Well, wouldn't YOU like to know! Read and see, friends!

**Chapter 1: Establishing Personalities**

The sun sets, and a new day comes, repeating is one…Whoops! Wrong series! (A.N.: Cookie to whoever guesses where that was from!)

As I was saying, the sun sets in the kingdom of Shu-Han, marking the time when all major jobs in the kingdom can stop.

Soldiers go on home to their wives, aides and secretaries organise their paperwork one last time before leaving, and even the head honchos decide to call it a day.

It is also a time when other jobs begin. Of course, the others don't matter, so we're just going straight to the palace of Shu where several individuals begin to walk into a bar…

"Evening, all!" came the voice of a young man the author's reliable readers know. First, it was the Five Tigers (minus Ma and Zhao) in one group. They plonked themselves down at a table for three and waved. Then the strategists came.

"Good evening, master Li Wen," came the calm as ever Zhuge Liang's greeting. He walked in, arm-in-arm with his wife, Yue Ying and was followed by his protégé, Jiang Wei, JUST the legal age to consume alcohol. Pang Tong followed in, scratching his back with his staff again.

"What's cooking, kid?" the laid-back hooded man asked.

"Not too much, a few interesting recruits for the infantry and cavalry, that's all. A man named Peng Yuan left Wei to sign up here…" the black haired young man replied. He took a glass and a cloth and started wiping.

Wei Yan entered next. He grunted pleasantly at the others.

"Hi, Wei Yan!" they replied.

Wei Yan took a seat at the counter. He raised one finger.

"Red…Wine…"

"Sure, sure, but mind you don't drink too much…"

"NOW."

Li Wen hurriedly poured a glass of red wine and handed it to the savage.

"So anything going on with you guys?" he asked as he took the jug back.

"Oh, nothing new," Guan Yu responded. He thoughtfully stroked his beard as if trying to remember exactly what happened today.

"The young ones are still training. Ping is actually getting pretty good…Before long, he should be able to get his own commanding position. Otherwise, things were about the same. Help run the country, drill the troops, quell the occasional bandits and finally…"

"three beers, while you're at it, kid!" the third brother of the three ordered.

Guan Yu sighed.

"Yes, Li Wen…three beers will end today's report…" he said dryly.

Jiang Wei looked over the menu and discussed it with his master.

"…So you see, master, were we to order the Eastern Han vintage, we should be able to have pleasant wine while keeping ourselves safe from total inebriation…"

The Sleeping Dragon nods.

"Indeed…But should we be so bold order a bit of Western Han vintage? The quality should be intoxicating, but I've heard the taste is…"

"Maybe we could mix both wines?"

Yue Ying slapped both men on the back of their heads.

"OW!"

"OW!"

"Liang, we're supposed to be taking a break! Stop discussing the wine as if it were a battle strategy!"

"But my dear, we should be prepared at all times…"

"Indeed, Madame Huang! The Prime Minister has a very good point there. Besides, I for one would rather calculate how much wine we can take before getting drunk…"

A laugh is heard from Huang Zhong. Jiang Wei turns.

"Kid, the only way to tell how much you can take is to drink until you see double! Better yet, drink till you're absolutely unconscious!"

The master bowman laughed loudly once more. Everyone just sighed.

"So are we all ready to order?" the OC asked, taking a note pad and a brush dabbed in ink. Yue Ying shakes her head.

"Sorry, Li Wen, but Master Liu Bei isn't…"

"Hello, everybody," a sombre sounding voice said. Those facing away from the door turned immediately and saluted with clasped hands, uttering "Greetings, your highness."

Liu Bei just waved, signalling to them to sit down. The King of Han Zhong sat at the counter and everyone followed suit.

"What'll it be, sir?" Li Wen asked. The others cleared their throats loudly. "Oh. And you guys?"

Liu Bei sighs. The first one for tonight.

"Gimme a Qin, Li Wen…And keep it coming…I'll need it."

As the orders were placed by the other officers, Liu Bei just couldn't help looking down. While wines both strong and light were served, the emperor heaved a great sigh. Pang Tong nudged Jiang Wei.

"Here's where somebody asks the master what's wrong, kid…" he whispered.

"Master, what's wrong?" Yue Ying asked sweetly.

"Here comes the denial," Zhang Fei whispered to the second brother.

"Oh, nothing, Yue Ying…"

"A repeat of the question…" Huang Zhong says quietly to Wei Yan, who nods and grunts.

"Are you certain, lord Liu Bei?" the greatest strategist of that period asked.

"Ten to one it's the wife again," Li Wen whispered to the kitchen. What's that? No, he's not insane. Well, maybe just a little, but there's really somebody in there!

"Well…It's about Shang Xiang again…"

A big "I KNEW IT!" was heard across the room, followed by a humble apology. Liu Bei just softly muttered "It's OK" and continued.

"She's the reason Zhao Yun and Ma Chao aren't here…So you all should know what that means…" the emperor says dejectedly.

"More wine for us. Those guys can really hold their liquor," Zhang Fei says in a rather pleased tone. Guan Yu sighs and whacks him over the head.

"YEOW!"

"Brother, why do you still keep her around? We simply don't get it…Surely you could find other women who'd do you honour…" the mighty Guan Yu asks.

"Guan Yu, I'm sure that you and Zhang Fei know me more than others, so I'm rather surprised you need to ask."

The red faced man sighs and strokes his beard thoughtfully. During that time, another round of drinks is served and downed.

"Yes, we know all about your well-defined moral hierarchy. We all know that the deaths of your first two wives were unavoidable accidents and we all know that you can't very well throw Lady Sun back to Wu as if she were some little fish…"

The young Jiang Wei piped up.

"But sir, I'm certain you COULD…um…send off Her Highness. Why continue to put up with it?"

A glass is served to the emperor.

"Tell the kid why, master."

Once again, a heavy sigh in the bright tavern. Liu Bei drinks first and wipes his mouth clean afterwards.

"Young Jiang Wei, it's because that would be wrong…And yes, I know that morals could very well lead to my downfall, but two wrongs don't make a right…I can't do that to my wife on a whim, you see…

"Besides," he starts, smiling a bit, "King Arthur had his heart set on Guinevere, and I have my heart set on Shang Xiang all the same…"

(A.N.: Was King Arthur around then? No matter. Timelines are no issue!)

A tense silence followed. The young ones (or one) knew not what to say and those that knew the emperor well enough were still thinking. Then, comfort came from a most unusual source.

"Liu Bei…Good man…Luck change…soon…Heaven want…" the savage growls, tenderly patting Liu Bei on the back. Behind his colourful mask, his eyes shone with sincerity and wisdom. The emperor smiles, his mood lifted a bit.

"Thank you, Wei Yan. And I certainly hope so too."

The others smiled and each patted their emperor on the back.

Then suddenly, without warning, Zhang Fei let out a mighty belch.

"Ah…Wine! More wine!"

Laughter erupts from even the strictest of the people gathered there. After all, they're like family. This causes their spirits to raise, particularly Liu's. At least here he can find comfort and joy.

Much time elapsed. With their emperor, the circle of friends was as complete as it could have been at the time. Laughter, tears and jokes were heard from the wooden building amidst drinks of an alcoholic nature. They drank, they laughed and they sang until it was well past midnight. Then rang the clarion call…

"Closing time, all! One last call for alcohol!" Li Wen announces loudly, banging on the counter. Yet more orders are placed for the last time and even the host pours himself one. Then, Pang Tong, eloquent as ever no matter how tipsy, rose his glass.

"I propose a toast!" he called out, hiccupping. The others turned.

"To our great master Liu Bei! May he find true and lasting bliss eventually! Uh, I mean soon!"

Yeah. Eloquent as ever.

Liu Bei looked down in embarrassment.

"Aye!" exclaimed the rest.

They clinked their glasses together and patted Liu Bei on the back. Then, after downing their drinks, they all started to leave one by one.

Huang Zhong needed the aid of Jiang Wei (despite his protests on how much stronger he was with wine), Zhuge Liang left with Yue Ying, the tiger generals staggered out drunkenly and Pang Tong hitched a ride on Wei Yan.

The only one left was Liu Bei, slumped on the counter. Li Wen sighed and took a mop, starting to wipe away any remaining drops of beer and wine.

"You know, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here, master…"

"Yeah…I know…" the drowsy emperor muttered.

"But hey, I'm not a magician or a general…so could you cut me some slack, eh? Maybe top me up, my friend?" he said cheerfully.

The young adult smiles.

"I think you'd better be getting home, sir. You've had a drop too much than you're used to this time," the tavern keeper advises.

IMPORTANT PLOT CHARACTER, GO!

"Oh, let him stay, Wen. What's the harm?"

(Insert the sort of soundtrack that plays when a beautiful bad girl walks through the halls of a high school in a teen movie, complete with slow motion)

That's when SHE walked in. A nasty soundtrack started playing and for Liu Bei, everything seemed to go in sl-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow motion.

(A.N.: Hey, I just said that!)

She was tall for a girl and had long black hair that flowed down like a waterfall to her shoulders. Her eyes were like ebony and her figure was terrific and slender. Her face, with sweet lips and a well-shaped nose, was beautiful and her complexion was a nice. (A.N.: Somewhere in between light dark and fair)

The King of Han Zhong's jaw dropped. His OC minister, however, simply rolled his eyes and reached out. A click was heard and the music stopped.

"Xia Hwang Wei, do you really need to be so over-the-top?"

Liu Bei quickly turned and saw a black box with some buttons and cases in it. An extravagant suitcase? Then he turned back to see the young lady that walked in. Or were they twins? Alcohol was still there, but wearing off…A minute ago he coulda sworn he saw three Wens.

"Oh, c'mon, Wen! Just let a girl have some fun!"

As if on cue, she pressed another button and the song 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' came on. Just as Xia was about to sing to the first strains of music, however…

"NO. We've been through this before, Hwang Wei. We don't NEED to be that excessive…Besides, your taste in music is horrible…"

A button was pressed and the 'Bohemian Rhapsody' started playing.

"That song coming from the guy that told me not to be so over-the-top? HA!"

The two started to bicker over their tastes in music when Liu Bei shook his head a bit and started to talk, his senses returning again.

"Look, I really don't think there's much of a need to fight, you two…"

The two turned to the emperor in slight surprise.

"Oh! I'm sorry, your highness…We almost didn't notice you there," the girl apologised with a slight bow. Liu Bei waved her off as he did with most people who made the mistake of thinking they had to bow to him.

"Now, now, it's no trouble…But who are you? I've never seen you before…"

"Well, I'm…"

Li Wen cleared his throat and shoved her away a bit.

"Her name is Xia Hwang Wei, sir…"

"HEY!" she yelled. The young man with the spiky black hair just ignored her and continued his description.

"She's rather new here. Worked in the kitchens for just a few days. And…she's my relative…"

Liu Bei looks up in interest.

"Family? Well, why didn't you tell me? I'm sure we could find a post for her…" he suggested, albeit in a tired manner.

"WHAT!" the ebony haired girl exclaimed suddenly.

"He DOES that? Wen, why didn't you tell me! I don't want to spend the rest of my natural life pouring wine, y'know!"

"Hwang Wei, appointing family relations and close friends is not an effective way to elect officials! Look at what happened to Qin! Let me and the emperor finish our talk!"

Xia turned around and sulked, muttering swear words against Li Wen.

"As I was saying," he continued, "We're only DISTANTLY related. She was the brain child of the same author that thought me up.

"You see, the story she was slated to star in got cancelled so she wound up here…Quite frankly, I have no idea of what she can do, and so I can't make any proposals yet."

Liu Bei nods in silence. Apparently, she was a refugee of a ravaged story, shot down before its time. There were far too many of those kinds of things these days…

"Oh c'mon! We've all seen a basic pattern, Wen! Any good-aligned character made by the author is bound to have skills! I mean look at the evidence! Two paladin/commanders, a couple of superskilled pilots in two popular mecha series, a masterful fighter/strategist of the art of war…"

(A.N.: Some of these are original stories which I want to publish, some of these are script forms which, when I DO think of reformatting them, might be found here in the Misc. section!)

"She HAS a point…" Liu Bei noted.

"Yes, well, as much as I truly believe this is so," Li Wen started, looking at the both of them, "I'm afraid that's just not the way things are done. Hwang Wei, if you want an official post, you'll have to work for it!"

Xia sighs.

"Yeah, yeah, I know…"

The two sigh. Li Wen turns to his master.

"I'm sorry, sir…This isn't a very pleasant topic."

"Oh, don't worry, Li Wen. But honestly, I do believe your cousin could very well be worth a lot. After all, a beautiful young girl isn't bound to go by unnoticed, right?" he comments, trying to ease the situation.

The two relatives smile at him.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, sir," the mysterious girl replies honestly.

Once again, however, Li Wen had one of his grins on again.

"Of course, sir, if you knew her for even just a few days like me, I think you'd see just how whiny she can get," the young OC joked, picking up on the momentum of comedic relief.

"I'm standing right heeeere," she said in a singsong voice.

"Oh, I knooooow," he replied obnoxiously in counter singsong voice. She eagerly smacked him on the back of his head.

"Ouch!"

"You're so bad!" she chastised jokingly.

Li Wen ducked another blow.

"I'll call it a night, sir…"

A third blow hits him right smack in the face. Li Wen steps back, rubbing his nose to sooth it.

"Hwang Bei, I wand you do close ub for thad…"was his reply.

(A.N.: Translation: Hwang Wei, I want you to close up for that…)

"What!"

The young man waved and quickly ran out through the back door. Xia sighs.

"You two are real close, huh?"

She turned to the emperor.

"Well, the author recommended I leave for the DW universe. There was a chance I'd be read and discovered. And of course, him being the only OC made by the common author we share, he was the first person I had to look up…Still, he's a decent chap all the same."

"So I see…"

The two of them paused for a short while.

"You know, Miss Xia…"

"Oh, please, sir, you can call me Hwang Wei if you want…" she said casually with a smile. He nods.

"Very well, then…Hwang Wei…I try to make it a point to know most of my officers personally. Now, I'm certain that you're a good and intelligent young woman, and I'd really want to give you a good post. If you want, we could, say, maybe have an interview one of these days?"

The girl looks, taken aback slightly.

"I know you're a good guy, sir, but…You'd do that? For a stranger like me?"

"Oh, I don't think you'll be a stranger to us soon enough…In the meantime, maybe you could let Wen introduce you to some of the guys that come here. We all really have our nice points once you get to know us closely," Xuan De adds casually.

The girl smiles.

"I'll think about it. Now I think you'd better get going, sir. If your wife I keep hearing so much about is as bad as she seems, I wouldn't wanna keep her waiting…" the OC lightheartedly says. Liu smiles.

"Yeah, I guess you're right…" he admits lamely. He starts to get up from his seat, muttering a small 'goodbye'. Suddenly, as he stretched a bit, supporting himself against the counter, he felt something cold.

"What th…?"

He turned and saw a glass of red wine.

"So how about it, sir? One for the road? I won't tell Wen…" she offers.

He smiles but pushes it back.

"I think I'll pass, Hwang Wei. See you around," he says finally, making his way through the door. She smirks.

"See you later, big guy."

Thoughts swirl through the emperor's head. What was going on? Who was that girl really? Why is he thinking so much about her?

He shakes his head. A problem for another day. For now, he should just be glad that his kingdom has another new officer and that there's another person added to the community.

Elsewhere, after a (ahem) roll in the hay, SSX suddenly gets up.

"My love, what's wrong?" Zhao Yun asks.

"Is something the matter?" Ma Chao asks as well.

"I sense…a disturbance…" is all she can say.

The two officers look at each other.

A.N.: I think this chapter might not have flowed nicely to fit the mood I tried to establish with the planning of this fic, but it was more of an intro. Anyways, with the finishing of this chapter, the only thing left for my brain to do is rest…Blehhh…

Oh! And reviews and suggestions are welcome! Thanks, guys! Hope you liked it so far!


	2. And the Iron Author Stirs the Plotlines

_**Dynasty Warriors: How D'ya Like Them Apples!**_

Disclaimer: DW not mine. DW Koei's. Me unhappy. Want more Liu/SSX moments! RAAAR! Me KILL Koei! EAT them! EAT ANGST FANBOYS TOO! Oh. Peng Yuan belongs to Street Pizza, Bai Zhi belongs to mbriscoe99, and kudos to Z Star for giving good inspiration from her New Officers fic on Peng Yuan.

A.N.: Greetings! Thanks for waiting, folks! And thanks for the reviews, especially to Verdin and Z Star for staunch support and Silent Ninja who, to the extent of my knowledge, is the most impartial source of DW pairing comments!

And now, without further ado, the second chapter of this controversial fanfic! Get out your torches and pitchforks, fanboys of a dubious nature! The Gan Ning one wasn't enough, I just HAD to write a BIG one defending Liu Bei! SACRILEGE, you scream! SACRILEGE!

…And apologies in advance over Hwang Wei if she seems like a Mary Sue… . 

**Chapter 2: And the Iron Author Starts to Stir the Plotlines…**

The sun rises and Shu wakes up to a marvellous start. Having opted for a five day week, the little kingdom now experiences…the weekend.

Liu Bei stirs slightly as the first beams of sunlight penetrate the windows. He shifts once, twice, and then gets up. His wife sleeps on a separate bed like normal. He sighs once more at the situation.

Getting up and not bothering Shang Xiang, the benevolent ruler makes his way to the pantry. He takes a flowery mug, some warm water and some herbs. Soon, he has some herbal tea.

The smell stirs the tomboy princess we all love and I ridicule. She gets up, yawning in a very boyish manner.

"Good morning, Shang Xiang," Liu Bei greets from the table. He takes a sip. The tea and its herbs are pleasant to smell and perk him up.

Rubbing her eyes, the princess gets out of bed in her nightgown.

"Good morning, Bei…You certainly seem surprisingly cheerful, you know," she notes. Normally, her 'husband' seems sullen and depressed over her deeds, though he's good enough to let her go on.

The King of Han Zhong nods.

"Indeed. Li Wen has a relative that just came in from a cancelled fic."

She cocks an eyebrow as she leaves to get dressed.

"Li Wen? You mean the kid with the razor sharp hats and the surprisingly dirty hair?" she asked. She has…seen a lot of guys with 'perfect' hair in her time.

Meanwhile, Bei sighs.

"Yes, Shang Xiang. My _OC minister_," he clarifies. He continues.

"I believe I'll have them over for a bit of lunch later to find out what his cousin can do…So far, she seems like a very bright and intelligent young lady…"

She pops out of the room in her usual attire.

"Excuse me, 'she'?" Shang Xiang asks suddenly and curiously.

As she walks over curiously, Liu Bei nods.

"Yes. Her name is Xia Hwang Wei. I met her in the tavern last night…Nice girl, really. She and Wen are rather alike. Why? Is something wrong, Shang Xiang?"

He is puzzled as she stands around a bit, a slightly contemplative look on her face. However, it soon passes. She waves it off.

"No, nothing, Bei. Now if you'll excuse me…"

The spirited tomboy leaves the somewhat puzzled man to his tea.

_-The OC Cantina, around late morning…-_

Ah, the OC Cantina. Already it has a reputation as a wretched hive of scum and insanity. With Li Wen's strict standards of disallowing any angsty guys and anti-heroes, the place has certainly livened up quite a bit, and not one hooded stranger lied in the corner in the stereotypical cool manner.

"PENG YUAN, GET OFF THAT TABLE, DARN IT!" the young minister shouts to the random defector. The bulkily armoured supporting character busted a few moves…Well, as much as he could in his armour.

Yes, indeed, Peng Yuan made other random guys that fought for fun or candy seem almost…normal. ALMOST.

He laughed.

"NEVAAAAAA, man! 'Lord of the dance' is mah middle name, woot!"

Li Wen started walking to the table menacingly.

"When we met, it was 'Danger'!" he shouted in return, "Then when you came here, it was 'Restoring the Han'! Three days ago, it was 'Vodka'!"

Bai Zhi, one of Wen's comrades and an OC visiting due to her allegiance to Wei, spoke up, saying "You know, just yesterday, he said it was 'Love Machine'…"

Z Star nods. She was Zuo Ci's little ward.

"Would it help if I told you that earlier today it was 'Superpants'?"

Hwang Wei giggled. Already she was enjoying the scene. Meanwhile, she had met quite a few other OCs. Suddenly, however, a guy walked into the bar and slammed his fist onto the counter.

"Hey, wait a sec!" the long haired girl exclaims. "I know you! You're that Japanese guy from the first 'League of Their Own'!"

The infamous Heishiro Mitsurugi nods.

"Indeed! And I am here in order to seek a starring ro…!"

Suddenly, from all the way across the room, Wen's voice rang…Well, more like roared out.

"NO!"

Mitsurugi turned, his rough face looking less determined.

"But I did a lot to prove I'm dif…!"

"NOOOO!"

"I've really done my research on…!"

"NO, NO, NO, and did I mention? NOOOOOOO!"

Mitsurugi turned to the counter.

"You! The cousin from the cancelled fic! Say something!" he pleaded.

Hwang Wei thought for awhile. Being the spirited and honest girl she was, she gave an honest answer to the ronin.

"Well, you aren't really integral to the plot of Soul Calibur in the first place. All you do is try to seek Soul Edge when you don't really have anything else to do like save somebody or free a village or take over the world.

"ALSO, you're quite the anti-hero. Wanting to redeem yourself after a loss in battle? Honestly, just how proud do you have to be, chump?" she stated with a grin.

Mitsurugi stammered. Then wept. Then he lied down on the floor in a foetal position, crying and crying and crying. Peng Yuan fell off, dragged off by his fellow officers and screaming "TRAAAITOOOOORS!"

Then, the door opened. All of importance turned and bowed slightly before being waved off. The emperor had arrived.

"Hello, guys. Li Wen, Bai Zhi, Z Star, and…"

He paused as he took a few steps in. Plated armour made contact with his shoe.

"…Mitsurugi. Come on, champ, you've already got a good enough deal with Soul Calibur…Playable character for around three or four games running!"

"Wub-wi-wabba-war-wig-with-wiiiig!" he wept.

(A.N.: Translaion: But I wanna star in this fiiiic!)

Liu sighs and signals a few others. Mitsurugi is soon swept away. Then, the sound like somebody clearing their throat is heard.

Liu Bei looked up to see a smirking Hwang Wei, arms folded.

"Hwang Wei," the virtuous Liu greets, "JUST the character I wanted to see."

_-Liu Bei's office, some time later…-_

A sumptuous breakfast was laid before them. Hwang Wei nodded humbly and took a bowl of rice for herself, along with some sauce and a bit of pork.

Liu Bei thinks to himself. How shall he ask her?

"Right, so Hwang Wei…"

The cousin looks up with a full mouth and questioning eyes. She swallows something as Liu Bei chuckles. So far, it appears as if Diao Chan, Da Qiao and Yue Ying are the only real women in the game. Xing Cai and Xiao Qiao were just kiddy, Zhen Ji was an ice queen, and the rest were just tomboys.

_Chalk one up to tomboys, Xuande, old chap…_

"Yeah, sir?"

Liu Bei realises he's in reality. He clears his throat, straightens up behind his gorgeous carved pine wood desk, and speaks.

"So, tell me. Are you based on anybody the author knows, Hwang Wei?"

Hwang Wei cups her chin and taps her head, thinking. Was she?

She shakes her head, replying.

"Actually, sir, I was inspired by the retro kung fu film 'Sword of Swords', as evidenced by my choice of weapons and initial storyline."

The emperor nods with his trademark gentle smile.

"Well, he rather liked that one, alright. So, next question. If you were to join here, do tell me. What reason would you pick?

"Be honest, now. I won't be having anybody whose heart isn't in it. If you think you're better suited for Wu, or Wei, or anybody else, just…"

The girl smirks and holds her hand up, stopping the emperor's rethoric.

"Well, sir, I'd have to say you'd best suit my interests. I'm an honest, upbeat and simple girl who comes from a relatively normal family. I'm more in touch with the common folk as opposed to every 'adopted child of a character', 'member of the nobility', or 'best apprentice of the greatest warrior'. The only claim to fame I have is being trained by the wrong master at the wrong time.

"That said, I must say that Cao Cao's definitely out. He may bring order, but he's not above going over dead bodies and suffering to get that. I want a simple world where the people can just go about their business. Planting rice, rearing livestock…Not a place where everybody's saluting Cao Cao."

She sighs dreamily as she looks back at her simple peasant backstory. Continuing on with this scene of character development, Xia Hwang Wei resumes.

"I'd also guess that Sun Jian, Sun Quan or whoever Koei puts on the throne isn't too suited for the task. They're not exactly as ruthless as Cao Cao, but they're still ambitious. And when you have bigger dreams that you need, who knows what'll happen?"

Liu Bei nods, impressed. Hwang Wei was eating some more of the breakfast.

"Nice thoughts, Hwang Wei. I mean...I respect their ideals for order, and I don't want to have to demean or fight them, but…You make good points for yourself," the green-wearing ruler notes. He takes a sip of herbal tea and scoops some rice for himself.

"Heh…thanks. And that's why I'd choose you out of those guys. You just wanna set things right. You'll make it better if you can, but you'll always be guided by what you believe in, and you mostly believe in the right thing.

"Now, it's true that people always think it's impractical. It's true that this would probably leave you more open to harm than anybody else. But that's why every good guy's with you, sir, and it's why I'm sticking around. It's what separates you from the rest.

"Some of the strongest guys are closer to you than blood. You have the best strategists helping you make a better tomorrow. And to top it all off, you have like two of the most bishounen warriors to ever grace our little franchise…You KNOW who I mean…" she finishes with an impious smirk.

Liu Bei can't help but laugh.

"Now, now, Hwang Wei. Zhao Yun has done a lot of good on his own, and Ma Chao is certainly one of my great generals, you realise."

She raises her arms innocently.

"Who said I was talking about THEM?" she jokes.

Another laugh.

"I'm not even gonna TRY to figure that one out…"

A pout.

"Aw, but that was the whole point!"

A throat is cleared. Shu's sovereign ruler talks again.

"Well, so far so good. You've told me that you have been trained, and Wen tells me that you're as good as him, if not better. So, next question…Any angst? Any happenings that might be described as such?"

Hwang Wei thinks to herself, looking to her backstory. The young woman thinks a bit uncertainly, but looks up with a small nod.

"Well…If you can call it angst, you can…though it didn't affect me and nobody really died or anything…"

"Well, go on…"

She smiles.

"Well…When I was just ten, I was on a hunting trip with my father. A tiger attacked us on the way back home, and pretty much scared the living heck out of me…Some hunters saved us, but my dad was hurt. So, I guess you can see what comes next…" she finishes, again with the smirk at something that would seem overused and anti-heroic. Bei thinks, looking away. Hwang Wei was sipping the tea.

"Hmm…You developed a fear of tigers but slowly overcame it through training in a pit of the beasts and in doing so developed your skills?"

PRRRRFFFFFT. Tea is spat out and douses the tunic of Liu Xuande as he looks, both shocked yet amused. Hwang Wei covers her mouth, ALSO shocked and more clearly amused. She struggles to speak, preventing herself from laughing.

"Oh…! Oh, gosh…! I'm SO sorry…!"

Had her hand been removed, you would have seen a very broad smile. Liu Bei waves it off and just asks her to resume her answer.

"Uh…Right, right…"

She clears her throat again.

"Well, I guess after that attack, I went to learn martial arts. Got the skills, decided to go home. But of course, seeing as I'm a significant character of sorts, I was chosen to hold this special 'sword of swords' or something…"

Hwang Wei removes one of her sabres from her back, still sheathed. This one had an ornamental dragon carving on it and was made of coloured leather with some beautiful gold coating it lightly. She rolls her eyes.

"Here it is, sir. The Sword of Swords. I guess that rules me out since I'm a sort of 'chosen one', eh?"

A laugh. This time from Liu Bei. Happy laughter is common in this chapter.

"Hwang Wei, the fact that you actually recognise your situation and react cautiously to anti-heroism puts you in my good books. And don't worry…What you did after that tiger attack? It's only natural, and it's rather brave of you.

"Heck, if I were as strong willed as you, I'm guessing I'd be learning more martial arts like my brothers…"

Hwang Wei just smiles simply and shrugs.

"Who can say? Just enjoy what you have, sir. You're a good fighter and a better leader. That's what matters."

A sheepish look in his eyes. He quickly asks the next question as the girl just finishes off her meal. He doesn't even notice his tea-soaked tunic.

"Right, so, Hwang Wei…I can also tell that you didn't have people instantly falling for you like some overrated bishounen, and I KNOW what you think of them, so this should be the last question…Do you have any unusual physical traits? Talents? Anything?"

Hwang Wei just laughs. This time loudly.

"Not unless you count being able to shove a grape up my left nostril and sneeze it out at will or being able to make faces with my belly!"

Liu Bei stares.

"No way. YOU can do that? My brothers can do that too!"

More laughter.

"GUAN YU? And ZHANG FEI? The dignified god of war and the man with a shout that can kill? I don't believe it!"

Leaning back, the longsword wielding man just nods, half laughing, have sad-truth. Finally, he gets back up and nods warmly.

"Heh…Well, Hwang Wei, I guess you could say we're done. It's been a pleasure, and I must say you're definitely hired. I'll set you up as Wen's personal assistant, and…"

"Oh! Wait, wait, wait! I got this mark of a Phoenix on my back! Does it count? Do you need to see it?" she asks enthusiastically, like a puppy.

Liu Bei blushes a rather sweet shade. Surprising. He loosens his collar.

"Uh…Well, I…um…you see, I ca…I mean…That….uh…" Bei stammers nervously.

Hwang Wei just laughs.

"Relax, Bei. It's a joke!"

Liu Bei heaves a sigh of relief. The chivalrous man shakes his head.

"NOT funny…" he emphasizes, though he can't help smiling.

"Besides, it's a tattoo I got in Chang An."

The virtuous Imperial kinsman doesn't know what to say THERE.

"Welcome to the job, Xia Hwang Wei," he simply says to finish it off.

The girl smiles widely, bows, and shakes his hand profusely.

Suddenly, the first 'suddenly' that indicates an important plot point appeared.

Suddenly, a door opened.

Suddenly, Sun Shang Xiang walked in. The two looked at her, surprised.

"…Bei…?" is all THE tomboy can utter.

A.N.: Sorry I'm late, I got some good games and the exams just ended for me! Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it! Again: NOT bashing SSX, just bashing stupid portrayals! And gee, I DO wonder what's in store here…XD


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